FUNNY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Nicknames.
If Laura, Katy and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Katy and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately called each other: Fat boy, Dickhead, And Shit for Brains.

Eating out.
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in 20 dollars, even though it's only for 34.50 dollars. None of them will have anything smaller and none will admit they want change back.
On the other side, when the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Money.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item if he needs it.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

Bathrooms.
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items  for the typical woman bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than twenty of these.

Arguments.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Future.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Success.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find that man.

Marriage.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting she will not change, but she does.

Natural.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women, somehow deteriorate during the night.

Offspring.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.