That's bad Luck

I opened the window to let out an annoying fly, and in came 6 mosquitoes, 3 cockroaches, 2 rats and a Jehovah's witness.

Depression and Anxiety in a Nutshell

Depression: Escess of past.

Anxiety: Escess of future.

Happy and Naked

I just want to see you happy... and maybe I little bit naked as well.

Life's Journey

Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "Holly shit... what a ride!"

The Three Words every Woman wants to Hear

Just tell her the Three words every woman wants to hear: "I was wrong."

Just Start Today

Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway. In a year, you'll wish you had started today.

Two Selves

Part of me says, "I've got to stop drinking so much." But then, the other part says, "Don't listen to that guy, he's drunk!"

The Waiting

People wait all week for friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness.

Second Chance

Fiction gives us a second chance that life denies us.

-Paul Theroux

Time

Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.

It's about Money not Freedom

It's all about money, not freedom.
You think you are free?
Try going somewhere without money.

- Bill Hicks

A wise Man once Said

A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman."

Religious Wars

Via Kyberia

People get Confused

People get confused when sentences don't end the way they potato.

National Pride

I could never understand ethnic or national pride. Because to me pride should be reserved for something you achieve or attain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Being Irish isn't a skill, it's a genetic accident. You wouldn't say "I'm proud to be 5'12", or "I'm proud to have a predisposition for colon cancer." So why the hell would you be proud to be Irish, or proud to be Italian, or American, or anything?

- George Carlin

No Excuses

Do what you can, with what you have, wherever you are.

Imcompatible Personalities

Me and my girlfriend broke up. Our personalities were imcompatible. I was sagittarious and she was a bitch.

Quiet Man, quiet Woman

A quiet man is a thinking man.

A quiet woman is usually mad.

Enjoy Yourself

Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think!

Thinking about Sex

My girlfriend thinks that I'm the 69 hours of the day thinking about sex.