Rules for the Cat

The cat is not allowed on the furniture.

Alright, the cat can go on the furniture, but NOT on the kitchen counter.

OK, the cat can go on the kitchen counter too, just not when I'm preparing food. Deal?

Fine... The cat can go wherever it wants, whenever it wants, as long as it doesn't swat me in the face at 5:30 in the morning demanding food.

The cat will be fed at 5:30 in the morning.

Emma Watson Nipple

Via Scroto

I took a Taxi Today

I took a taxi today, and the driver told me: "I love my job, I own this car, I've got my own business, I'm my own boss, no one tells me what to do."

I said: "Turn left here."

Top 10 Wity Rules of Boozing

1. It's OK to drink alone.

2. Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.

3. In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is strength, in water there is bacteria.

4. Drunken words are sober thoughts; listen carefully.

5. If you do something really stupid, never blame it on the booze or on being drunk.

6. If he/she is still ugly after seven drinks, give up.

7. Beer is food. Wines accompanies food. Cocktails demand food.

8. An open bar is a danderous game. Respect it.

9. Never turn down a free drink or complain about its quality or brand.

10. Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen.

Meanwhile at a paint Shop

Via Therapyfortravesty

 

You choose

Be with someone that makes you happy.

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a man asked the director how to determined if a patient should be reintegrated in society. "Well," said the director, "we fill up a buthtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the man. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the teespoon or teacup." "No." Said the director, "a normal person would pull the plug."