Cucumbers for Entertaining

If you know what I mean...

Via Ilmegliodiinternet

We are going to Die

We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here.

- Richard Dawkins

It is not Wonder

The great wall of China is within the seven wonders of the world because it's the only Chinese product that lasted more than a month.

Rules for the Cat

The cat is not allowed on the furniture.

Alright, the cat can go on the furniture, but NOT on the kitchen counter.

OK, the cat can go on the kitchen counter too, just not when I'm preparing food. Deal?

Fine... The cat can go wherever it wants, whenever it wants, as long as it doesn't swat me in the face at 5:30 in the morning demanding food.

The cat will be fed at 5:30 in the morning.

Emma Watson Nipple

Via Scroto

I took a Taxi Today

I took a taxi today, and the driver told me: "I love my job, I own this car, I've got my own business, I'm my own boss, no one tells me what to do."

I said: "Turn left here."

Top 10 Wity Rules of Boozing

1. It's OK to drink alone.

2. Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.

3. In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is strength, in water there is bacteria.

4. Drunken words are sober thoughts; listen carefully.

5. If you do something really stupid, never blame it on the booze or on being drunk.

6. If he/she is still ugly after seven drinks, give up.

7. Beer is food. Wines accompanies food. Cocktails demand food.

8. An open bar is a danderous game. Respect it.

9. Never turn down a free drink or complain about its quality or brand.

10. Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen.