No You Can't

Via Mails-boulets

Giant Grasshopper of 1937?

Via Bablews

Five Kinds of Sex

The first is Smurf Sex: This happens during the honeymoon period of a relationship, you keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

The second is Kitchen Sex: This is at the beginning of your marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, any time, any place, even in the kitchen.

The third kind is Bedroom Sex: You've calmed down a bit by then, perhaps you have had some kids, so you have to do it in the bedroom.

The fourth kind is Hallway Sex: This is where you pass each other in the hallway, look each other in the eye and say, "F**K YOU!"

The Fifth is Courtroom Sex: This is when you get divorced, and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the room.

Imcompatible Personalities

Me and my girlfriend broke up. Our personalities were imcompatible. I was sagittarious and she was a bitch.

I Didn't Know

-Before you were married... ¿Did you have sex with your wife?
     -No, and you?
-Yes, but I didn't know you both were going to marry the next day.

Ask Obama, He Knows

A persistent Man

Failed in business and went bankrupt in 1831.
Defeated for legislature in 1832.
His fiancée dies in 1835.
Had a nervous breakdown in 1836.
Was defeated in election in 1836.
Was defeated for U.S. Congress in 1843.
Defeated once again for U.S. Congress in 1848.
Was defeated for U.S. Senate in 1855.
Defeated for U.S. Vice President in 1856.
Was defeated again for U.S. Senate in 1858.

Finally was elected president of the U.S.A. in 1860. His name was Abraham Lincoln.